Top Ten Reasons Why I Have a Hard Time Finishing Top Ten Lists:

10.          I’m busy.

9.            Five seems like enough.

8.            People have short attention spans.

7.            I’m too lazy to write a real post, let alone ten whole ideas.

6.            I’m sick of writing about my cats all the time…seriously it’s weird.

5.            There is a lot of pressure to produce ten funny/mildly amusing/sort of okay one liners.

4.            I’m ripping off David Letterman.

3.            Seriously why do I have to do more than five?

2.            I give up…

The Epic Battle

As I have mentioned before Emma is the feistier one of my two cats.  She seems to have some entitlement issues and constantly causes problems when she doesn’t get her way.  Joy on the other hand responds well to training and behaves most of the time.

Every night I brush my teeth, put on my pajamas, and prepare for battle.  I get into bed and get comfortable.  Soon afterwards Emma rears her furry head and sharp little claws.  You see, in her eyes, I just stole her pillows.  I have had to kick the cats out nightly to avoid the fate of a cat attacking my head in hopes of reclaiming my pillows.  The epic battle will continue…

Klosterman

Earlier this week I was listening to the podcast of Wiretap entitled, "Klosterman's Questions."

If you haven't heard of the Klosterman Test you should check out the short quiz on OKCupid.  Basically this guy named Chuck Klosterman came up with a 23 question test to determine whether or not you are worthy of being his friend.

Now you might say, "I don't know this Chuck Klosterman character and I refuse to take some egotistical jerk's quiz to see if I am worthy to be his friend."  I thought very much the same thing, but his quiz is actually quite entertaining.  Now I am not too satisfied with the answers available on OKCupid, so I thought I would answer one of the twenty- three questions the way I would want to.  

This is question 14: 

For reasons that cannot be explained, cats can suddenly read at a twelfth-grade level. They can't talk and they can't write, but they can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do all day while they lay around the house; however, a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves).

This being the case, do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield, or would cats find this cartoon to be an insulting caricature?

Garfield to cats would be what Dilbert is to office workers.   With the exception of loving lasagna Garfield seems to capture the angst many cats have from dealing with their dopey owners.  I don't know why cats would necessarily read Garfield because my cats would probably enjoy shredding the newspaper more than reading it, especially when there are far more interesting reads than the comics.   I think cats would be more interested in reading about the outside world, especially since many cats are limited to indoor living. 

I encourage you to give your opinion on cats possibly being offended by Garfield, or any of the other Klosterman questions.   Just to let you know I am only 52% compatible with Klosterman according to OKCupid. 

Black Socks Never Get Dirty

When I went to camp as a kid we would sing songs on the bus to pass the time when going on a trip.  I usually remember this one the most often:

“Black socks they never get dirty the longer you wear them the blacker they get.

Someday I’m going to launder them, but something keeps telling me don’t do it yet, not yet, not yet… “

I think I remember this one the most because I have expanded upon this song to other things in my life. The following is a list of items I own that are black:

Couch

Curtains

Bed sheets

6 shirts

Three pants

Sneakers (you may hear about these in another posting)

Trash can

Microwave

Lap top

Backpack

Futon

3 purses

One cat

All of my socks

Two belts

And much, much more.

Individually, these items may seem normal, but together this style of mine may come off as a little emo.   Not the case, couldn’t pull it off if I wanted to. 

You see I have an aversion to having things that look dirty.  Black stuff (except in the kitchen and with cars) tends not to look as dirty as lighter colored items.  If I wear a white shirt it is guaranteed to be stained by day’s end.   Even if you stain something that is black, if you wash it the stain is hardly noticeable.   Plus if the black begins to fade it is easy to buy some Rit dye to make it dark again.  Other colors are hard to match and you just don’t end up with the same teal shirt you loved before.

The downside to so many black items in my house is that things can look a little dreary at times.  The solution…many framed photographs on the wall.  I used to have colorful throw pillows, but the cats always find a way to destroy those…throw pillows are the mortal enemy of cats, second only to toilet paper.   I have also attempted to have wooden furniture and a multi-colored rug, but still I look like I live in a depressed Swedish house.

The other downside is that it can be easy to lose the cats because of camouflage effects in the bed.  As you can (or can’t) see here Joy blends easily into her natural environment.  

This leads to accidental sitting on cats, followed by muffled meows and sharp claws in my hind end.  The solution, do a quick hand sweep on the bed for cats before sitting on or flopping into bed.

It could be worse....everything I own could be white and covered in black cat hair. 

The Pluses and Pitfalls to Being a Housecat

Pluses:

Nap time is whenever you want.

Food, water, shelter, and toys are free of charge.

People will pet you and cuddle you.

You are not required to get a job.

People don’t make you learn silly tricks…unless they are really bored or have a psychology experiment they need to do for a class.

Pitfalls:

Taking a bath requires lots of time licking yourself.

Hairballs

People will pet and cuddle you.

No opposable thumbs

No appreciation for swimming.

Quirky...Not Crazy (At Least Not Yet!)

I have certain “quirks.”  These habits are often considered weird or strange, but here is why I partake.

·         Singing at the top of my lungs in the car (by myself).  Yes, I am that person you chuckle at because they are singing along to some song on the radio (and probably dancing as well).  You wonder if that person realizes that other people can see them and that they look like a goofball.  Yes, I know you can see me, and I don’t care.  I am having fun!  I turn up the music loudly to cover up my own voice (because it is that bad) and bop my head as I sing along to “Bohemian Rhapsody” or Cee Lo Green’s megahit “F**k You” (uncensored).  I even sing along to a little AFI or perhaps some Rush.  It doesn’t really matter what the song or band is, or really if I know the actual words…there will be a performance in my car every time I drive.

·         Talking to myself.  I often hear people ask “Were you talking to me?”  The answer is no.  I am talking to myself because it helps me think about things.  It is a perfectly normal habit and is a sign of my vast intelligence (I am using hyperbole here…I’m not really that big of an egomaniac).  So if I’m alone and babbling take it as a sign that I am in deep thought and continue on your way. 

·         Counting on my fingers.  I realize as a person nearly finished with a Mathematics degree that counting on my fingers may seem a bit, oh I don’t know,  pre-school, but my fingers are my math security blanket.  If I decided not to use them anymore I don’t think I would have any problems (such as when I am in front of a professor who may judge me), but why stop doing something that doesn’t hurt you and helps you stay relaxed? 

·         I make up songs about my cats and sing them to them. For example:
(This song, which is my favorite, is to the tune of “Jitterbug” by Wham)
Ja ja ja Joy Joy
ja ja ja Joy Joy

You like to pounce on your crinkle ball.
And love the carpet with the side of your face.
You always meow meow at the birdies.
And make my day when I pet your belly.

(This song is not completed because usually by this time the cat walks away in protest… It is odd that she is so judgmental because cats can’t carry a tune either.)

I would have to encourage you to indulge in these oft mocked behaviors…you may just laugh a little or perhaps dare to smile.

Seriously do it now!  Or not, you really don’t have to.

Another announcement!

Some of you so kindly have asked me to be your Facebook friends.  I appreciate the gesture, but alas I try to keep my personal Facebook page full of people I know in real-life.  So as a way to keep in touch with my new friends on the World Wide Web I have added a facebook page for Just Another Thought Online.  Feel free to like my page to keep in touch with me on Facebook.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Just-Another-Thought-Online/154116024657916

Cat PSA

I enjoy the fact when I come home from work, or really anything at all, my cats are at the door to greet me.  There is a problem that is getting in the way of my relationship with my cats...they need to admit their addiction to two things....birds and the bathrobe.

Not only am I being ignored for most of the day, but the cats seem to be in bathrobe/bird trance.  Symptoms of bathrobe/bird trance include:

·        Sitting in one spot for hours on end. 

·        Sleeping in one spot for hours on end.

·        Meowing at birds.

·        Running into glass doors.

·        Ignoring owner unless given tasty treats or playing with laser light.

·        Being a cat.

An Exciting Afternoon Drive

Several years ago I used to have a really terrible car.  So terrible that Adam Sandler wrote a song about my car (Ode to My Car)…well, maybe not about my car, but it sure did an excellent job describing my vehicle.  (Luckily for me I didn’t have the same seat issue that Adam Sandler had with his car…Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!) 

Well, anyway back to the story.  The car, at the time, was about thirteen years old. It had no air conditioning (which was great given that I lived in the desert), a broken radio (so I used a boom box), and ate oil with such voracity that in comparison the cookie monster looked like he had excellent self control. Since the car was in such excellent condition I had an anything goes mentality…food ok, drinks ok, feet on the dashboard, a little white trash, but ok. The only rule I had about driving the Geo was to NEVER EVER drive it on the freeway.

The day of the “incident” I wasn’t having too good of a day.  I was late to a job that I hated, and wearing a uniform that fit terribly and included a name tag.  Since it was a holiday and the roads were clear I chose to break my one and only rule and drive on the freeway.  I thought that since there was no one on the road I could shave a few minutes off of my commute and actually get to work on time.  

Big mistake!

In the past I had envisioned break downs in the desert with no cell phone reception, or during rush hour on a busy street where I can’t push the car to the side by myself.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, could have prepared me for this. For the first ten years of the car’s life the car “lived” in Minnesota.  Years of salt and ice took its toll on the car and I was none the wiser.

As I was driving in the fast lane, the hood latch gave way and the hood slammed into the windshield.  Not only did the hood hit the windshield creating a large horizontal crack, but the hood had also bent back so that it had conformed to the shape of the car.  If I were a cat this is what my face probably would have looked like:  

I slammed on the brakes as I screamed as though Freddy Krueger was in the backseat…luckily no one was on the freeway.  I made my way to the shoulder shaking like a cold supermodel (I would assume supermodels are always cold since they have no fat for insulation) and pulled over.  I promptly called my mother and scared the crap out of her, and then I called Tim and had him and his sister pick me up.  

The car was still drivable once the hood was pried off the windshield, but there was no way in hell I was driving home…I called into work with the excellent excuse that I was in a car wreck and they gave me the day off. I drove that car for almost a year with the hood in the backseat and engine exposed.  To say the least I turned heads in that car!

No cats were harmed in the making of this post, just a 1993 Geo Metro.

A Little About Me

So I realized that I haven't written much about who I am...here goes nothing:

•    Yes, I did follow myself. I think of it as throwing the first five bucks into the virtual guitar case. 

•    The picture of the zebra was not taken in Africa...but I did take the photo.

•    I gave up cable two months ago and watch TV exclusively over the internet now. 

•    I am writing this blog post rather than studying for my java final tomorrow because I strongly dislike java programming.  No offense programmers it's just not my thing. 

•    I am classified as a nerd.  I am one of those people who is earning a double major (one of which is math) and actually contemplates multiple post-graduate degrees.  

•    I love parenthesis and ellipses....I will excessively overuse both of these.

•    My favorite shape is a dot.  It is the only circle/shape I can draw without looking like a four year old drew it.

•    My favorite number is 14, but I will often say e just to be pretentious and extra nerdy.

•    I have taken way too many photos of my cats....it's an addiction and I need help. 

•    It is inevitable that you will see some photos of my cats. 

•    I like to imagine that Albert Einstein is my uncle.  He seems like the cool uncle that will blow stuff up in his backyard to explain something to you. Plus he was super photogenic and his hair is awesome!  

•    I find spitting to be the most disgusting thing a person can do in my presence and may uncontrollably gag if exposed to someone spitting in front of me. 

•    NOTHING is more luxurious than fuzzy socks!

•    I am obsessed with learning about quantum physics even though I got a D in basic physics...probably won't understand much about it but will read about it anyway.

•    I am bad at foreign language.  

1.     True story:  I was asked to stop speaking German in Germany. Mein Deutsch ist sehr slecht. 

2.     I have also taken the same German 202 class three times to get the required C or above despite having took German from 7 through 12th grade....I believe the B- was a pity grade to get me out of the class. 

3.     What is more ironic is my mother is a certified German teacher who is fluent in German and has lived in Germany; apparently I did not inherit her talent for languages.

•    I have picked up a rattlesnake (with a snake stick). And no, I am not a redneck; I did it for my job.
•    I think squash tastes as unappealing as it sounds. 
•    Don't get me started on zucchini. 
•    Beer, wine, and Coca Cola are the nectar of the gods.